mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
