I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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