we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
