you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
what is it with giant penises always finding me
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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