he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
