Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
