We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
