We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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