He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Two words: blizzard sex
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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