Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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