note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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