I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
