If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
you had me at cake vodka
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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