porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
