No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
