I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
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