i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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