uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize
