So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
