I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
