Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize