Barsexuality is the new black.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I smell like Dick and happiness
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
