i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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