I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
