I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
