So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
she peed on how many people?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
