You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
