(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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