i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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