She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
