my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
