Midget sex pt 2 tonight
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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