when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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