they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
