quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
i think im in europe. pls send help
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
