You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
