I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
