I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
