So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
