dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
