Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
