I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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