just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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