it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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