dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
