I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
