I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
The struggles of a small town man whore
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
