My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
All I want is dick and wine.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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