haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
