Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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