Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
