Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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