do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Someone signed my nipple.
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