Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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