It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
