my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
