My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
