PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i just google imaged poop.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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