I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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