Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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