We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
