So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize