fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
