we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
