yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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