just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize