so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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