ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
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