Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
