mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
She has the best kind of daddy issues
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
