I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
