the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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