ugly people sure do ruin things
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
