Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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