Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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