I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
