chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
