you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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