need another drink. this is the easiest way
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
