Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
