my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
