Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
