i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
my poor anus
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
