So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
