Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
