respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
