it was like his penis was on wheels.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
