upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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