i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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