Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
She needs sedatives and a leash
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Randomize
