We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
