I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
