I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
