I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
