She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
