Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize