a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Need sex. Gaining weight.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
