Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Randomize
