yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I believe in your delicious
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
