I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
