the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
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